The Values Audit

01The Problem

You built something impressive and you’re miserable, and you can’t explain why.

On paper it all works. The revenue, the team, the trajectory, the thing you would have killed for five years ago. And still, something grinds against you every single day, and you’ve run out of ways to ignore it. You’ve tried gratitude. You’ve tried working harder. You’ve tried telling yourself this is just what success feels like. None of it touches the thing.

Here’s what’s actually going on. You’re winning at a game you never chose. Somewhere along the way you started optimising for values you don’t even hold, speed, status, control, the ones the world rewards, and you starved the ones that are actually yours. The success is real. It’s just pointed at the wrong target.

You can’t feel your way out of that. You have to look at it. Not the feeling, the gap. The specific distance between what you say matters to you and how you actually spent last Tuesday.

That’s what this does. It drags the gap into the open and makes it impossible to argue with.

02Who This Is For

Founders who have succeeded by every external measure and still feel like something is fundamentally off. You’re not depressed and you’re not ungrateful. You’re misaligned, and misalignment is sneaky, because nothing looks wrong from the outside. This is for the person who has everything they said they wanted and quietly wonders why it landed so flat.

03What You’ll Need

• Time commitment: Ninety minutes of uninterrupted time. This isn’t a fifteen-minute exercise you squeeze between calls.
• Prerequisites: A blank document and the willingness to be honest with yourself when nobody’s watching. That last part is the whole thing.
• Tools: None. Just you, the page, and no audience to perform for.

04The Protocol

Most values work is useless because it’s performed. People write down the values that would look good on a company website and call it self-knowledge. This goes the other way. You start messy, you cut hard, and you score yourself against your own definition, not anyone else’s.

Set a ten-minute timer and write down every value that matters to you. Don’t rank them. Don’t edit. Don’t perform for an imaginary audience.

The goal is volume. You need raw material before you can shape anything. Most people stall at five or six, because that’s when the judging kicks in. Push past it. The values that come out after the obvious ones are usually the honest ones.

Watch for the corporate wallpaper. If every value on your list would look great on a careers page, you’re still performing. “Excellence” and “innovation” are nobody’s real values. Dig for the ones that feel personal, and slightly uncomfortable to admit out loud.

Now force the trade-offs. A value only survives the cut if it beats every value that didn’t make it. This is where you find out what you actually care about, as opposed to what you think you should.

The cutting hurts. That’s the point. You’re not making a list, you’re making a choice, and a choice you don’t feel isn’t a real one. Resist the urge to keep nine by gluing them together. “Family and community” is two values wearing one coat. If you can’t get below seven, you haven’t chosen yet.

Dictionary definitions are worthless here. What does “freedom” mean to you? Not the abstract version. Yours.

One founder defined freedom as “being able to pick my kids up from school on a Tuesday.” Another defined it as “never having a boss again.” Same word, completely different lives, completely different scorecards. Your definition becomes the ruler you measure against in the next step, so make it specific enough to fail against.

Now rate how well you’re actually living each value right now. Ten means you live it daily without compromise. One means you actively violate it.

Use your own definition as the benchmark, and write the reason next to every number. Not just “integrity: 4.” Write “integrity: 4, I tell my team we value transparency and I’m hiding the cash flow problem from them.” The reasons matter more than the scores. The score tells you there’s a gap. The reason tells you where it lives.

Watch for clustering everything around six or seven. That’s comfort-zone scoring, and it’s a dodge. If you’re doing this exercise at all, something is off. Let the low numbers be low. A brave three is worth more than a cowardly six.

Any value scoring below a six is a fracture line. Lay them out and look at the pattern across the low scores.

This is the part that stings. You might find your daily life actively contradicts most of what you say matters to you. That’s not a productivity problem you can systems your way out of. It’s an identity problem, and it deserves to be sat with, not solved in the next thirty seconds. Write down the specific behaviours driving each gap.

Don’t jump straight to fixes. “I’ll just leave work at five” is the instinct, and it skips the important question: why did you build a life that violates your own values in the first place? The why matters more than the fix, because the why is what rebuilds the life once, instead of patching it every quarter.

Pick one gap. Design a single concrete experiment to close it. Not a life overhaul. One value, one behaviour, one week.

If family scored a three because you work every weekend, the experiment is “this Saturday I don’t open my laptop before 5pm.” Specific enough that at the end of the week you can say, cleanly, whether you did it. Vague commitments like “be more present” are worthless, because you’ll quietly redefine success to match whatever you actually did.

05What You’ll Find

The gap between your stated values and your real behaviour, in a form you can’t talk your way around.

Most founders discover the life they built optimises for values they don’t hold while starving the ones they do. And the scoring makes it undeniable. A founder who says family is their number one value and scores it a three already has everything they need. Nothing more to diagnose. The question shifts, and that shift is the whole gift of the exercise. It stops being “what’s wrong with me” and becomes “what am I going to do about this specific contradiction.” One of those questions traps you. The other one frees you.

06Adaptations

For co-founder pairs: Run it independently, then compare. Where your values overlap, you’ve found your shared foundation. Where they diverge, you’ve usually found the source of every fight you’ve had for two years. Pay special attention to a value one of you holds that the other didn’t list at all. That’s not a small gap. That’s the fault line.

For leadership teams: Have each leader complete the audit, then share only the gap analysis, not the full list. The conversation about where the company forces good people out of alignment with their own values is far more useful than another debate about which words go on the wall.

For annual planning: Run the audit before you set goals for the year. Goals that push you further from your values just manufacture more of the hollow success you already have. Score first. Plan second. Otherwise you’re just building a bigger version of the thing that’s making you miserable.

07Where This Came From

This one came from a phrase I kept hearing, in some form, across years of sessions. “I got everything I wanted and I hate it.”

The bones are Brené Brown’s work on turning values from words into daily behaviour. The scoring mechanism came from one specific session. A founder told me family was his highest value, said it with total conviction. I asked him to rate how well he was actually living it. He said three. We sat in silence for a long time after that. He didn’t need me to explain the gap. He’d just measured it himself, out loud, and there was nowhere left to hide.

That’s what the audit does. It doesn’t hand you a diagnosis. It hands you the ruler and lets you read the number yourself, which is the only version anyone ever actually believes.